The Helping Hand You "Didn't Need"

The Helping Hand You "Didn't Need"

You wish she never would’ve found out. It ruined everything. She won’t even stand close to you anymore. You and her were so close. The bestest of friends you could say. There wasn’t a day where you weren’t talking, laughing, or doing whatever crazy things that friends do. But you ruined it. That one argument in which she cared for you. You didn’t want help. Now, you’d give everything to take that extra hand, to take back what you said. Your mind was angry, but your heart still cares- even to this day- about her. She’ll never know that though. Those three last words ruined an amazing friendship. Those three last words ruined the rest of your life.

Artist Statement

               My flash fiction piece, and my portrait, show a side of me that I like to hide. I can never hide this part of me though. The flash fiction describes my feelings of regret, but goes further than that. When I’m angry, I say a numerous amount of things that I don’t particularly mean. The friendship explained in the flash fiction is one that I ruined in my freshman year. It was a very difficult time, and I still think about that mistake often. With saying things that I don’t mean, I also have a lot of trouble admitting when I’m wrong, especially when it comes to such a huge mistake. The picture incorporates my inner thoughts of regret. It’s in black and white, which helps the audience to visualize the dark thoughts swirling around in my head. The portrait of me displays me curled up into a ball on the ground, looking down, with my hands raking through my hair. It helps the audience envision how small I feel after saying such awful things, and the fact that I can never take back the words. I also edited a photo of some broken glass on top of the portrait to signify that I break, or ruin, things that- most of the time- cannot be mended back together. No amount of super glue can fix the problems I’ve caused.
               During the class this year, we took the 16 Personalities test. My result was INFP, or the Mediator. A Mediator is someone who values friendships, but doesn’t take criticism lightly. We also tend to protect our “sensitive inner cores”. These relate to my flash fiction and portrait pieces because the story was based off of myself wanting to protect my sensitivity and the idea of hating criticism. When someone wants to help me, and I believe I can do it on my own, I have the tendency to get offended and blow a fuse. I take my feelings very seriously, especially since I’m so sensitive. Because of this, I push people away when I need it the most in order to protect my feelings from spilling over the edge. After those few drops start leaking is when I say things I don’t mean which contributes to my friendships, or relationships in general, to burn to ashes and get carried away by the wind, never to be seen again. Avoiding this problem as much as physically possible is the best solution for me so I’m able to keep healthy relationships in my life.

They Say/ I Say

               Imagine waking up every single day with a new personality. The personalities you have acquired aren’t just random though. Each separate personality is how someone perceives you. One day you could wake up as a happy-go-lucky, generous person and the next day you could be a snarky, malicious person. Most people would say that your identity depends on who’s regarding you and how the person knows you. Not only that, but every single choice and action we make influence how we’re perceived, and therefore influence our identity.
               On the strategist Reid Hoffman’s website, he explains how people are in control of their own identities. Hoffman suggests that you are able to shape your personality to further shape your identity and how others will perceive you. This quote describes that the choices you make in your everyday life influence your identity: “Identity comes from choice; choice comes from identity. On a daily basis, the actions you take, the people you spend time with, and the principles you choose to defend will define your identity.”(Hoffman) These choices can vary from who you hang out with to your beliefs you justify. Hoffman explains that these choices create your identity and that you make these choices based on your identity. This means that you have, to some extent, control over your personality as long as you make choices that’ll change your personality in the ways you desire.
               The Personality Myth, an Invisibilia podcast, takes the idea of personality to a whole new level. It suggests that the reason personality seems to remain consistent is due to the situation in which our behavior changes. Stanford psychologist Lee Ross stated that we don’t see the person’s personality in the certain conditions. In fact, it’s “because the circumstances that are influencing their behavior remain consistent.”("Personality") In the podcast, they use an experiment to further the understanding of Ross’ theory. The experiment consisted of “requiring” people to administer electrical shocks onto another human being. The fact that the people were thinking they were forced to distribute the shocks ultimately changed their behavior- not their personality- in order for the person to carry out something so brutal. This explains that you are in control of your own identity because you can control your personality. Things that you can’t control most of the time is your behavior in powerful situations. Another situation in which this theory proves to be true is when Delia Cohen visits the Marion Correctional Institution in Ohio. At the prison, she meets a prisoner named Dan. Dan doesn’t seem to be a “bad person” though. His personality pegs him as funny, charming, and sweet. Cohen eventually discovered why he was in prison, and couldn’t look at him the same anymore. Later on, Alix Spiegel, the narrator of the podcast, had a discussion with Dan about his personality from when he committed the crime to the present, and his answer is that it took him almost two years to reconstruct the violent aspects of his personality. Dan claims that he’s a completely different person now and that he has “come to terms that [he’s] kind of in prison now for someone else's crime.”("Personality")
               I believe that Dan is correct in stating that he has completely changed into a different person. Reshaping your personality is very difficult to do, but it can be done. The 16 Personalities Test is a test that ultimately “determines” what personality traits you convey. I have taken the test a total of three times, and though the personality has remained the same, my percentages have differed. This presents the idea that personality, and therefore identity, can be altered. It does take awhile though. The times in which I’ve completed the test has been over the course of the past six months, and one example of an aspect of myself changing is the percentage of my introversion going from 60 to 90 percent. However, some may argue that aspects of your personality and your identity are out of your control. Something as uncontrollable as your race or your age can be a large factor on how someone perceives you. For example, most baby boomers believe that millennials are naive and don’t know anything about politics or what’s happening in our daily society. In reality, millennials have been all over social media and other platforms to assert themselves into the political community and to convince other millennials to vote in this year’s midterm election. This displays that even though this part of you is out of your control, other people can perceive you in ways that aren’t necessarily true, and it further contributes to your identity. The problem with this argument is that it doesn’t play a part in your personal identity, only on how others perceive you. Your personal identity consists of your personality traits and your interests/hobbies. Your personality traits are how you see yourself, not on the surface but deep down. You could act like the most selfless person in the world when your inner thoughts are screaming to be selfish. Only you can know your true personality traits. Only you can know your true identity.